


Somewhere over the rainbow

by anwise_gamgee



Series: Choices [2]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anwise_gamgee/pseuds/anwise_gamgee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he comes out of prison, Sean goes on a quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere over the rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to "For whom the bell tolls".  
> Once again, my knowledge of catholic and penal institutions is very limited, so please go easy on me ;)

His meagre pack upon his shoulder, Sean stood uncertainly on the steps of the little wooden church. Two years. It’d been two years since he’d walked into that door. Two years he’d decided to face his crimes and pay for them. Two years only. He’d been lucky.

His lawyer had pleaded Sean had had a close relationship with Andrew and had been acting out of grief for the loss of his fellow inmate. He had let it unclear whether the nature of said relationship had been romantic or not, so as not to ‘divide the jury between homo-lovers and homo-haters’. Those had been his lawyer’s words. Sean hated him for using Andrew this way. The fact that he had finally turned himself in had also helped. In the end, he had only be condemned to twenty months of imprisonment, plus the few months he had yet to make to complete his previous sentence. Lucky, given the fact that he had attacked a CO and fled. 

Those two years had probably been the longest of his life. He couldn’t help but think that before going to jail he had been a good, peaceful man, never prone to violence. Prison had changed him. After loosing his job as a salesman, he had contracted a number of debts that soon had gone over his head. And when he had been unable to pay for them, with nobody to vouch for him, prison had been the only option. It was supposed to be just a few months, and he had thought bitterly that for that period of time at least, he wouldn’t have to fret over food or a roof above his head. Besides, he was to follow a program to help him set his life to rights and find a new job.

But Andrew had changed all that. When Sean had met him on his first week in prison, he had really felt a connexion with the young man. Nothing romantic, no matter how attractive the young man had been. It was more of a teacher and pupil relationship that worked in both ways. They looked out for each other ; Andrew by showing Sean a few tricks to get around prison, and Sean by showing Andrew that he was worth more than what others kept telling him. He gave him a few books and had long conversations with him about their contents. It was so nice to have someone he could rely on in such a hostile environment.

But the other inmates were not all as peaceful as Sean, and Andrew had died out of mistreatment and misery. And Sean had been unable to protect him from his own self-hatred. And the anger had started to build up inside him. And by the electrical gate, when he had hit the inmate and the CO, he might as well have hit himself, out of guilt and helplessness.

 

And now he stood again in front of the church where he had found shelter after his escape. And his mind turned to Andrew, and he said a silent prayer to him. And then it turned to Elijah. Father Elijah Wood, the good samaritan who had listened to his story, given him shelter, food… Who had given him something he had sworn to God Himself he would never give. Elijah with his angelic face, his lily-white skin, his eyes as deep and blue as the sky he turned his face to in his prayers. Elijah, a priest.

Prison had changed him alright. But Elijah had changed him more. The young man had given him the strength to face his crimes. He had trusted him in his home and body, and that had reminded Sean that he was - indeed - a good man. That he _should_ be a good man, no matter what.

And then there was that passionate and intimate moment they had shared after Sean had told Elijah he would turn himself in. Sean still had no idea what to make of that. All he knew was that he had to see Elijah, then he would have his answer. During the two years devoid of intimacy, that last and memorable experience could only have been idealized in his head. Now Sean needed to see for himself if Elijah had been worth remembering. Well, he knew he had, if only for the help that he had given him. He needed to thank the priest for that.

He took the last steps to the wooden door and pushed it open. It creaked loudly, like it had the first time. His eyes adjusting to the dimness of the building, Sean made his way to the confessional, as if on a pilgrimage of his own. When a movement caught his eye near the door that led to the sacristy, Sean felt his heart catching in his throat.

‘Hello? Is someone in here? I’m about to close the church’, a voice said as if in a mock imitation of Elijah’s first words on their meeting. Only this was certainly not Elijah’s voice.

Sean could now make out the figure of an old little man clad in black and grey, his white collar underlying a round smiling face.

‘May I help you, my son?’ he asked as he came to meet Sean.

‘I… yes. I’m looking for someone. Father Wood. Is he still er… working here?’

‘Oh’, the priest said, looking uneasy. ‘I’m afraid he’s not here anymore, I came to replace him about a year ago.’

Sean was disappointed, but he had suspected this might happen.

‘Do you know to what parish he has been affected now?’

The priest once again looked uneasy and said:

‘You should probably ask in town, they are more prone to gossip that I am, I’m afraid.’

‘I’ll do that then, thank you for your help, Father…’

‘Holm. And you’re very welcome, my son.’

Sean left the church swiftly. 

In town, he rented a small room just above the local bar. After a quick shower, he went down for a beer, hoping he’d find someone to tell him about Elijah’s whereabouts. As he sat down, a barmaid walked up to him with a pleasing smile and took his order. When she came back with his beer, he asked her:

‘Excuse me, miss, can I ask you a few questions?’

Blushing ever so slightly, the barmaid nodded.

‘Of course, sir.’

‘I’m here looking for a… friend of mine. Father Elijah Wood. I was surprised to find he had been replaced.’

The young woman grabbed the back of the chair nearest to Sean and sat herself down, obviously excited to share a good piece of gossip with the man.

‘What? He’s your friend and you did not know he had been removed?’ she asked eagerly.

‘Well, I’ve been er, traveling for two years, didn’t get much news from anyone.’

‘How well do you know him, anyway?’ she asked suspiciously.

‘Let’s say he helped me once, I don’t know much else about him, except that he was a priest in this parish.’

‘How can I be sure you don’t mean to hurt him or something?’

‘Look,’ he paused to read the name on her tag, ‘Sarah, I owe him my life, more or less. I know you have no reason to trust a stranger, but this is very important to me. Please.’

She seemed to think for a while, then she leaned closer to Sean, her voice lower.

‘Father Wood left about a year ago. My personal theory is that he was removed, like, he did not choose to leave. Them bishops and all, they decided he should stop being a priest.’

‘What? But why?’

‘That’s only my opinion, but his leaving so suddenly was so strange! He was such a good priest, always patient and caring. And sweet to the eye, too’ she added with a wink. ‘Everybody had their own explanation. Men said t’was because he was too pretty and turned the ladies away from  their prayers  and into daydreaming about those eyes of his. A joke mostly, though some really resented him for his success among the ladies.’

Sean could only understand why. But he also knew that the men’s jealousy was in vain. He said nothing though. Sarah went on.

‘Then some said the most foul things about Father Elijah, like he had a liking for little boys and stuff like that.’

Sean felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He knew in his heart of hearts that Elijah would never harm anyone, least of all innocent children. But these accusations were severe and very hard to erase from one’s reputation. He felt anger rise up in him at the very idea that somebody could accuse Elijah of such vileness. Sarah seemed to feel Sean’s rage, as she laid her hand on his to appease him.

‘Don’t worry, nobody really believes it.’

She withdrew her hand, blushing slightly.

‘I don’t even know your name’, she said abruptly. ‘How can I trust someone without a name?’

‘Oh, of course. I’m Sean, Sean Astin.’

The name seemed to ring a bell, and she took a moment to think. Then it dawned on her, and she paled.

‘You’re… I remember your name! Officer Peters arrested you, he’s a friend of the family. What _do_ you want?’ she asked again, severe.

‘I told you, Elijah has helped me. He… he gave me shelter after I escaped, and I want to thank him.’

‘Father Wood has hidden an escaped convict?’ she whispered, unbelieving.

‘Well, I tried to hide in the church, he only took pity on me and let me share a meal and crash on the couch.’

He couldn’t tell her what else he had shared, but the memory sent a pleasant tingle into his spine anyway.

‘Oh! So _you_ were the mysterious sweetheart!’ she exclaimed, suddenly putting two and two together.

‘The what?’

‘The gossip had been all over town, Margaret Dawson had started it, I remember. The town was all abuzz with the news of your arrest, and Maggy had added a little more oil to the fire with her own news. Said that she’d seen the table set for two in Father Wood’s kitchen, and also that he acted all strange with her, almost rude, which was very unusual of him. I understand now!’ she laughed, and Sean smiled.

‘Anyway, a few months after that, Father Elijah left for a few days. A congress or some priests’ meeting, I don’t know. When he came back, he seemed different, everybody felt it. Maggy said he had been away to meet his girlfriend, and we thought that maybe he had broken up with her and was sad…’

‘Sarah McLeod!’ a roaring voice interrupted, ‘stop flirting with the patrons and get back t’work!’

She rolled her eyes then stood up.

‘I’ll see you at the end of my shift, is that ok with you?’

‘Sure, I’ll stay here anyway. And I’ll take somewhat to eat, too.’

 

When Sarah was done, she joined him again, with a plate of spaghetti and a soda.

‘I’m starving, mind if I eat while we talk?’

‘Not at all. So, you were saying that Elijah was sad when he returned…’

‘Yeah, and also there were other priests that kept coming to the parish. I thought it was a normal thing, with him being so young and all, he probably needed tutoring. But it was odd, he seemed upset most of the time, and them priests didn’t look too friendly either!’

Sean could hear Sarah’s distress in her voice. 

‘Do you think they were surveilling him?’

‘Probably, but two months before he left, they stopped coming, and Father Elijah went away for a week. When he came back, he seemed less agitated than he had been before, and then, he told us he was to leave the parish and would be replaced.’

‘He knew he’d be removed?’

‘I think. Maybe he retired. Anyway, we don’t know for sure, but Maggy, ever the nosy one, she heard a conversation between Father Ian - the new priest - and a bishop of sorts. Apparently they talked about Father Wood, saying that Church was better of without his kind. That’s not much, I know, but it got us all wondering.’

Sean took time to register all that Sarah had said. It was all very confusing.

‘Do you think the new priest might know where Elijah is? When I came to him he kinda avoided the question.’

‘Well, he knows the bishop who seemed so relieved to see Father Elijah go, so maybe you could try to meet _him_.’ 

That seemed the best option indeed. Sean thanked Sarah warmly, and wishing her a good night, he went to his room. When he turned off the light, though, he realized he could not sleep. Too many questions. And guilt. He couldn't help but think that Elijah’s ordeal had been his fault. Well, he wasn’t sure it had been an ordeal, really, but he had a feeling that it had been unpleasant enough.

Since there was nothing to be done about it, Sean tried to focus on what he could actually _do_ now to find Elijah. First, he would have to go see Father Holm in the morning and ask him about that bishop, then, who knew where the road would take him?

 

Sean stepped out of the bus. It felt good to stretch and move his legs after so many hours seated. He got out from his pocket the little piece of paper where Father Ian had scratched an address. That was were Sean had to go to find the bishop, and hopefully where we would find information about Elijah. He inquired around and was informed that he had to walk a few miles to get to the institutional building. Sean didn’t mind walking, quite on the contrary, and it felt like it was not much to do if that meant he could find Elijah again.

That thought got him wondering about the whole meaning of this quest he had started. He kept convincing himself that this was only to thank his benefactor. But there was no denying the feeling of attraction he had felt for the young man, and there was that night they had shared. What meaning did it have after two years without news from him? Should he stop thinking about it? Could it have been the mere physical answer to Elijah’s confused mind and Sean’s moral exhaustion?

Whatever it had been, it had been real, and the former convict couldn’t just cast it aside. But it would have to wait until he found Elijah. He was sure that his doubts would dissolve when seeing him again. Whether he would find out he still wanted the young man or was ready to move on, he had no idea, but it was no use churning his brains so. _Better focus on the task ahead of you, Astin_ , he chastised himself.

After about an hour and a half’s walk, Sean found himself facing a huge and austere building made out of red bricks. Without hesitation he walked in and went straight to the reception desk where an old lady with snow-white hair and a small silver cross pinned to her blouse welcomed him rather curtly.

‘May I help you?’

‘Yes, I’m looking for The Reverend Lee.’

‘Do you have an appointment?’

‘No, but Father Holm sent me.’

‘I’m sorry, but if you don’t have an appointment, you cannot see him today.’

‘I don’t need to see him very long. Please, this is very important.’

With a sigh she rose from her chair and walked towards a corridor, saying:

‘I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Thank you so, so very much’, he said to her retrieving form.

She emerged a few minutes later, a tall grey man behind her. His face was long and severe, and his dark eyebrows were casting a shadow upon his piercing eyes. He gestured for Sean to come closer, and the receptionist scurried back to her desk, as if wishing to have the best seat to witness the scene.

‘Speak quickly’, he said as means of introduction, and his voice was so deep as it reverberated on the brick walls that Sean would not have been surprised if the man had been a carnal incarnation of God Himself.

‘Father Ian Holm sent me, I… I need information about his predecessor, Father Elijah Wood.’

‘And why would you need to find Mr Wood?’ the Reverend inquired, his eyes narrowing.

‘He was of great help to me two years ago, and I want to thank him. I was away for two years, I had no idea he had left his clerical life.’

‘Follow me.’

The tall man turned around and walked back into the corridor, and Sean followed suit. He led them into his office, and sitting behind his vast desk, he gestured for Sean to sit opposed to him.

‘Your friend, Mr Wood, is no longer part of our order, as you might have learned. As for telling you _where_ he is now, I have no idea.’

Sean’s heart sank.

‘But I can give you a piece of advice: don’t take the road he has tried to led you on. That young man was a very nice person, I have no doubt, but we, as an institution, cannot accept to let his kind lead our flocks.’

Lee paused, then leaned closer to Sean, as if in confidence. Only his tone was colder than ever.

‘I’m going to tell you what I know of your friend. About two years ago, he went to confession, and God forbids me to reveal what he said then. What he told his superior was severe enough that we had to keep him under surveillance, out of fear he might defile innocent parishioners. Then, a few months later, he disappeared for a whole week, and when he came back, he had made up his mind and decided to leave our order. That’s all I’m allowed to tell you.’

Sean was too dumbfounded to speak. This man seemed completely out of time, like a king of old. He knew that it would be no use to try and confront him. Had Elijah had to face him? Sean shivered at the thought. Without a word, he stood up and made to leave. When his hand touched the doorknob, though, Reverend Lee spoke:

‘Don’t think I’m fool enough no to put two and two together, mister. I hold you responsible for the mess Mr Wood has made after he _helped_ you’, there was no misunderstanding the meaning behind that word. ‘You can leave, but you may not come back.’

Closing the door behind him, Sean really felt he had stepped out of a historical movie of sorts. His head was spinning, and he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He had still no idea of where to find Elijah, and he knew that no one here would tell him.

As he exited the corridor, his mind full of grimy thoughts, he did not see the young priest approaching, his arms loaded with books, and he bumped right into him. Both his pack and the young man’s books went flying to the floor. Apologizing, he crouched down to help pick up the mess, and the priest crouched in front of him. Instead of apology, the other whispered:

‘I heard you’re looking for Elijah. Meet me after sunset behind the church, east-side of town.’

And without another word, he gathered his books and left.

Hope rose up in Sean again.

 

After leaving his pack in the dirty hotel room he had rented for the night and grabbed a sandwich, Sean went straight to the church on the east-side of town. He sat on a bench nearby to finish his meal, then waited for about an hour for the sun to set. His mind was replaying the events of the day, and trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle that presented itself. Sarah had said she suspected that Elijah had been removed from his function by Church authorities. But the Reverend Lee had said that the young man had resigned. And yet, he seemed to have a lot to hold against Elijah. But the clergyman wouldn’t say what. Obviously, he had a profound abhorrence of homosexuals: every single thing he had said, every look he had cast Sean’s way was dripping with disgust and scorn. Did that mean that he had lied about Elijah’s resignation? Maybe they had forced him to resign?

Lost deep in thought, Sean barely noticed that the sky was slowly turning to a purple shade. He was brought back to attention when a shadowy figure crossed the street and reached the back of the church. He rose up quickly and followed it.

The young man he had bumped into earlier shed his hood and welcomed him. He had blue eyes, a pointy nose and chin, and when he spoke, Sean recognized a Scottish accent.

‘I don’t have much time’, he said. ‘First, let me just give you this.’

He handed Sean a small booklet, blue with a rainbow-colored cross on its cover. It read _God loves you_ in large pink letters.

‘What is it?’

‘Reverend Lee probably told you that Elijah resigned, that much is true, though he only did because he was pressured to. Before he left, Elijah spent a whole week in San Francisco. This is what he came back with.’

The young man gestured to the book, and Sean looked at it quizzically. Then he realized that beneath the title, was written in thin white letters: _I. McK. & E. W.._

E.W.? Had Elijah written this?

‘He came back with five cardboard boxes of these’, the young priest added. ‘He gave one to every new pupil in seminary, and even to more experienced priests! All secret-like, of course. But Lee found out about it, and he tried to seize every copy. T’was impossible, and there are still a few that go around among us. We even received a few more in the mail. It’s crazy, like Elijah is harassing the institution with it. Very surprising of such a quiet and reasonable priest.’

Sean’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions. He could not believe that Elijah had intentionally stood up against the catholic institution. He remembered him being so quiet, so fearful of God, so convinced that his attraction to men was a sin! And now he was a messiah of gay people among the clergy. Sean felt a pride such as he had never felt before. Maybe he was not _proud_ exactly, maybe he was just impressed. And that brought him back to the fact that _he_ had nothing to be impressed about. What good would it do to Elijah, courageous Elijah, to meet with Sean again?

Pushing these thoughts aside, he asked:

‘And do you know where is he, now?’

‘All I have is this.’

He handed Sean a piece of cardboard, probably torn away from the package sent to him by Elijah. On it was written a return address, a certain I. McKellen, in San Francisco.

‘It’s the other author of the booklet, if Elijah’s not still with him, he might know where he’s gone to’, the young priest said.

‘Thank you so, so much’, Sean answered fervently. ‘You have no idea what it means to me.’

‘Oh, I guess I do’, the priest answered with a wink. ‘G’bye then, and good luck!’

And he put his hood back on again and left as quickly as he had come, leaving a bewildered Sean behind the church.

 _San Francisco it is, then_ , Sean thought. _But how the hell am I gonna get there?_


End file.
